An Afternoon Siesta

Ever since I earned my PhD I hardly held a job with fixed hours. The only times I ever stuck to a schedule post PhD was during my volunteering stint that lasted a few months at an elder services.  Many a time I have asked myself the same question over and over again.  Am I slipping into nothingness? After much deliberation the answer is always the same: no not really or some variation of it. There is a long list of things I have discovered, none of those would have been possible if I was working my ass off...

• I realized the fun in making little things using my hands, ranging all the way from making jewelry to playing around with dried flowers, i.e handicrafts; reliving the elementary school SUPW and needle-work horrors I certainly am not. This is way more fun!
• Flowers, tomatoes and green chilies became a new obsession. Loved being around plants. Cant wait for this season..
• Long chats with my friends and family, online or on phone: just plain gossiping to deep soul-searching. Realizing what a great blessing it is to be surrounded by my loved ones. I now have the time to recognize the lengths they got to, for make my life happier and easier. I have missed out on acknowledging the little gestures for too long. Love you guys for doing that!
• Enjoying a nice book without feeling guilty I could have used the time for something more productive.
• Rediscovered my veena and got lucky in finding one again. However, the search for a real teacher continues, unless you count instructional DVD lessons as one.
• My friendship with the skillet continues to progress unhindered, and I have added a few more feathers to my culinary cap
• And well, shopping is perennially fun, busy or not.
• I listen to music as much as I want, with all the time in the world to listen to enchanting voices swooning in love, pining in sorrow or blubbering plain rubbish. And can listen to the same tracks again and again and again.
• The time gave me a chance to ponder on stuff that has always taken a backseat. And I am beginning to understand some difficult friendships are just meant to be that: difficult. And sometimes it is just better to let go of some people and things than to keep on struggling to hold on to them. Am I sounding all grown-up now? Whoa! Scary!
• An occasional afternoon siesta and  a cup of creamy, spicy sweet tea in the evening is pleasure unparalleled.
• I now have time to gaze at the rain, hear the birds chirping, and watch the green shimmer of grass in the afternoon sunlight.
• My only woe is that I miss being in the lab and well if you count making money is important then I haven't done that too, in quite a while. But since this is my list, it shows up at the bottom.

With all the time in the world I sometimes am surprised at how little of it I have left. And admire how my friends with real jobs and/or babies handle it all. Like so many of you I too have never taken a real break until now. Sometimes I fear that this is too good to be true and get paranoid that something is not right. But I do love this state of doing nothing but enjoying everything I do. I have to admit unabashedly, minus the tiny occasional pangs of longing to go back to work, I truly am enjoying the beauty this vacuum is giving my life. And yes I now have time to stop and smell the flowers, true to the word. Fabulous!