Another Lifetime

            The phone kept ringing all day. Sahana could hardly answer a call and get back to whatever she was doing before it started ringing again. Some days were just crazy, she thought. Just as the school bus had left with Sid on board, she wanted to take a breather before she could run a bath for BJ. But at the moment she just watched as BJ made a mess on his high chair with mashed up cereal. He spilled some water on it as well, to make his art-work more appealing to him. She usually gave him a bath during the evenings. But he had a cold and she decided to do it that morning instead, when it was warmer. Sahana had two boys, Siddhardh and Bharadhwaj, and they went by Sid and BJ. Sid was four and BJ would turn two in a couple of months. She stood leaning on the kitchen counter, observing BJ and was lost in her thoughts. How busily he went about his mess, she pondered and smiled to herself. Sid was very different when he was a baby. He started talking when he was two. He did not know many words, but the few he did, he mouthed them perfectly. But BJ was very different, he made different gurgling noises and cooed and crooned. All the baby talk she missed out from Sid, she heard in plenty from BJ now. As she stood there day dreaming, the phone rang again. She suddenly realized that she could not afford to waste all day. She picked BJ from his chair and let the phone ring. The phone rang some more until the answering machine took over. The caller did not leave a message. Sahana got busy with her chores. She ran a bath for BJ, dressed him and put him down in the living room on the floor with his baby gym and toys. Soon BJ was much occupied with his toys and he let her go. She left him at the same spot in the living room everyday, where she could keep an eye on him as she worked in the kitchen.  She went into the kitchen and cleaned up the breakfast mess he made and got to the dishes.
            The phone started ringing again and this time she decided to answer. She heard her mother's voice on the other end of the line. Her mother lived in India and she called her every morning. It was after her mother's dinner time, and she called Sahana for their customary morning call. Sahana pressed the speaker button and left the phone on the counter top and went about her work. They chatted about everyday stuff. Her mother inquired after the kids, and was not satisfied until Sahana gave a detailed description of what they did the previous days. Her mother missed her grand-kids very much and therefore Sahana always entertained her mother and went to great lengths with details regarding the kids even on days she did not feel up to it. May be it was one of the ways she compensated the guilt of living in another continent, she sometimes admitted to herself. Her mother mentioned that there was a call from a man named Kumar earlier in the day. Her mother had been at the temple and the maid had answered the call. She said that he had asked for Sahana, and when she told him that she did not live here anymore, requested if she could get her current address and telephone number. The maid thought it was someone the family knew, and passed on the information that was listed in the book next to the phone for emergencies. Her mother did not know who he was, and admonished the maid for giving out information without first asking how he knew the family. Sahana listened to her mom and at the same time tried to recall if she knew Kumar. Not able to associate the name with a face, she told her mother that it was okay, and asked her to stop worrying. If he called her, then she would find out how he knew her and what he wanted. They chatted for a few more minutes and her mother said it was time for her to sleep. Sahana ended the call and went back to the living room. She spent some time with BJ and turned her laptop on. She settled down in the sofa facing BJ. BJ was busy playing with his toys, and once every few minutes he would say something and expected her to answer. She prayed she could get some work done today.
            It was close to 10:30 in the morning. And she worried that if this was the case everyday, she would fall behind with her work load. Sahana worked part time as an assistant editor of a chemical engineering journal. She worked from home 2 days a week, ever since BJ was born. Sahana got her master's in chemical engineering from the University of Illinois at Chicago. She worked as a researcher for a few years after graduation. She published many papers in peer reviewed journals. She always wrote excellent journal articles. She knew that she excelled at presenting results and writing articles than at research itself. Since she enjoyed scientific writing, she tried for a job which gave her more opportunities to do that, and eventually found her way to her current job. Though Sahana worked full time before Sid was born, she decided to stay at home 2 days a week. This way she needed to work only 3 days a week and she went to the office just one day every week. In order to reduce her work load she chose a part time position. Though she missed the fun of challenging deadlines and the rush she got from solving difficult challenges, she was happy to be staying at home and spending time with Sid and BJ. It was 4 years since she made the change, but never once seriously regretted her decision. Sahana continued to work for another hour, as BJ played on the floor in front of her. She knew he was getting sleepy and she had to pause for a while, to put him to sleep. She finished the paragraph she was working on and lifted him off the floor. She patted him to sleep and very soon he was sound asleep. She went into the boy’s room and lowered BJ in the crib. She heard the phone ring in the living room. There was no extension in this room and thankfully BJ did not even move a muscle. She saw that he slept on and silently left the room.
            The phone kept on ringing, as she headed to her bedroom. She answered and did not hear anything for a few second. Then she heard a male voice slowly say ‘Hello.’  She asked who it was, but did not receive an immediate answer. She sensed that the person hesitated to talk. Finally there was a reply, ‘This is Kumar speaking.’ Huh! Finally! Sahana thought to herself. Why was this guy calling me and I'd rather he speaks something now at least! She asked him how he knew her, and what the purpose of his call was. Kumar started to speak slowly, ‘Sahana’, he said shyly, ‘I don't know if you remember me but we met a long time ago. My name is Suresh Kumar.’  Sahana was listening to him and she was trying to remember where she met him. She felt awkward and did not want to embarrass him by plainly admitting she did not remember him. As though sensing her predicament, he began to speak again, ‘I am sure it must be hard for you to recall. We met a long time ago. You were driving near RTC complex on your scooter. You stopped at the traffic light and I approached you.’ He stopped and she realized that he could not go on any further. She immediately knew who he was. She thought; Good heavens! It’s him! It was many years ago, I was perhaps 21 at that time.  She now remembered that day and all the events came flooding back. She now knew exactly who Kumar was! She was shocked beyond all means. Her heart was racing. Sahana was very confused how he still remembered her and why he wanted to talk to her after all these years. She wanted to ask him a thousand questions, ‘Hey! I remember you,’ she started excitedly, ‘how did you get my number?’ That she already knew and corrected herself, ‘I mean how did you get my mother's number?! Where are you now, what do you do?’ As she spoke she realized he must have grown up now. ‘Why are you calling me, I mean, why did you want to call me, I mean, what can I do for you. Where are you, how are you? And what are you doing now? Where are you calling from?’ She realized she did not give Kumar a chance to talk and was repeating the same questions again and again. She stopped at once, and listened eagerly. Kumar started to answer, and she could see that he was much more relaxed now, ‘I am calling from Hyderabad. I got my Masters Degree in Sociology. I have been awarded a fellowship to come to Florida for a conference. I knew you had left the country 15 years ago. It was very important for me to find you. I tried to find out where you were. I went back to the home and asked for your address. They had your parents' address from 16 years ago. I asked around and found out their current address and phone number. I managed to get it and finally your number. I never got a chance to thank you properly, and I regretted that every single day. I had to find you and tell you this.’ He concluded. She could sense the sincerity in his voice, and he was struggling to hide his emotions and sound calm. Sahana just listened; she was at a loss for words. She then said, ‘Congratulations, Kumar!’ She did not know what else to say. She was very happy for him; she had never felt this happy for anybody else. He went on to say that he would be very happy if he got a chance to meet her once he arrived in the US. She said they could plan that and see when they could meet. They tried to chat for a few minutes, exchanged e-mail addressees and decided to be in touch. He finally hung up.
            Sahana leaned back in the armchair. She was staring at the fabric on the chair under her arm. She had a habit of running her fingers along the lines on the fabric. She did it every single time she sat there. But today she just sat looking at it. Her mind was racing elsewhere. She vividly recalled the day she met Suresh Kumar. It was a hot summer day. She lived in a coastal town in the southern part of India. It was always humid there, and she was sweating badly. She was born there, and had never left the place even for college. Now she decided to go to the US to pursue her higher studies. It was certainly a big step for her and an even bigger shock for her parents. She had applied to a number of colleges and was waiting to hear from them. She would graduate in the next year and fly off. It was a very exciting idea for her. One more year and she would be gone, lead an independent life, and finally be an adult. She dreamed about it often, trying to imagine how her life would be. That morning she was driving her scooter to the bus terminal to catch a bus. Sahana was doing a 3-month project at a fertilizer plant as part of a summer internship. Her teammates took the bus together, and they would be waiting for her. She hoped to take the same bus as them. If she missed it, she would have to ride in the next one alone and it would be a boring ride. She was already running late. The traffic light at the entrance to the bus terminal turned red. She was sweating from the heat, and was waiting for the light to turn green. A scrawny looking boy approached her. He asked her for money. He looked like he was 7 or 8 at that time. His t-shirt was filthy and torn at a few places. She was very irritated and asked, ‘Why are you begging? Why aren’t you in school? Where are your parents?’ She expected him to run off to the next car or scooter waiting there. But he defiantly answered her, 'I have no parents.’ Sahana thought, You liar! She did not believe him at all, and thought that perhaps his parents made him beg or he was one of the boys from the slums who came from a poor family and was begging for some easy and extra money. She just said, ‘Ohh, is that so?! I know a place near-by where they take in kids like you and give them a place to stay and they also send them to school. Will you go with me?’ The light turned green, and people were honking behind her. ‘I will pull to the side of the road, come and meet me there,’ she said. She expected the little fellow to run away as soon as she said that. But to her surprise he ran to the side of the road and waited for her! She thought he was calling her bluff. She went there and asked him to hop on her scooter, expecting him to bolt away any minute now. But he climbed on and sat. At first she did not know what to do. She decided to give him money and send him away. It did not feel right to her. She was thinking fast. Suddenly she remembered a place her grandfather went to every month. It was a home for the aged, she remembered him remark that they started taking in orphans as well. Her grandfather went there often and performed magic tricks to entertain the inmates there. He was a professional magician. She immediately started her scooter and took a turn away from the bus terminal, half expecting the boy to jump down and run. He sat there still and calmly asked her where she was taking him. ‘Prema Samajam,’ she replied, the name of the home. ‘I know that place,’ he said, 'I heard they send the kids to school there, give them food, books and uniforms,’ he continued matter-of-factly. Sahana just smiled to herself, still unable to believe all that was happening was true. ‘So if you knew the place why did you not go there before?’ She asked. ‘I tried,’ he replied, ‘they would not take me in.’ ‘Why?’ She asked. ‘They have some rules or something. A kid can’t come and walk in there simply; they need an adult to enroll them. Strange asking orphans to get an adult who says he knows the kid,’ he smirked. Sahana could not muster a reply. She continued driving. After a few minutes they arrived at the place. She parked her scooter and they both walked in. She went in and introduced herself to a bored looking clerk. As soon as he heard her grandfather’s name he became much more responsive. She described to him how she met the boy and the conversation that took place between them. He told her that they could take the boy in immediately. All she had to do was fill a form and leave her address and phone number with him. He handed her a form. She thanked him and she started filling it. The clerk was mumbling under his breath. She could not understand what he was saying entirely, but got the gist of it. He was complaining how young people these days thought they could save the world and its orphans. And two days later the kids always somehow ran away. What a waste of time! And so on. She answered the questions on the first page, mostly details about her. She turned the page it asked for the boy’s name. She realized she had not even asked him his name. He was sitting on a bench at the other end of the room. ‘What’s your name?’ She asked. ‘Suresh Kumar,’ he replied, ‘my parents named me Suresh, I added the Kumar myself,’ he said proudly. Sahana could not help but laugh. He is such a strange fellow, she thought to herself. Once the paper work was duly filed in, the staff told her she could leave. She hesitated for a minute and then looked at Kumar and said, ‘Okay! I guess that’s it then. Good luck! I hope you like this place.’ He just looked at her and said, ‘Okay, Goodbye!’  Sahana said goodbye and thanked the clerk and left. She was an hour late. She went to the bus terminal and got on the next bus leaving for the plant. She rode the bus in silence, her friends had already left. However, she did not get bored as she had thought earlier. She kept thinking of the boy. She thought of the boy a few times in the coming weeks. She wanted to go and visit him, but never actually did. She was not even sure he still stayed there, or perhaps he ran away like the clerk said he would. She felt guilty about it, but soon forgot him completely. She graduated soon and left for the US. She went home several times later but never once made the trip to the home to inquire after the boy.
            Sahana sat in the armchair staring at the fabric and thinking about that summer day from 15 years ago. She was so different then. Impulsive and confident, she felt the boy she met was just like her. She liked the boy instantly. Would she do the same thing today? Would she have left the things she was doing, to discourage some poor kid begging for money? Would she take the time to take a needy kid and enroll him at an orphanage? She sat there pondering. And long before she heard the baby monitor. BJ was awake now. She had to go to him. The call from Kumar reminded her of a very different time of her life. She had changed a lot, in several ways, some for the better and some not. That hot summer day from 15 years ago felt like another lifetime.

The Green Woolen Cap

   Rain or shine she went for her run at the Mallard Creek Green-way at 6 in the am every single day. She had been running for 10 years now. It was not an awfully long run. She would run for 30 minutes into the park, and then run back to the entrance. Her routine hardly changed, except occasionally when her guilt reminded her of her visit to her favorite pizza place or ice cream shop on the previous evening. She devoted an hour of her life every single day to this task. She struggled to get out of bed sometimes, but anyhow she did it. She rarely missed her jogs except for when she broke her leg, or her grandmother died or when her 5 year old nephew ran away from home. When, Anita suffered a minor stroke at the shocking age of 30 she took an oath to herself, that she would never let it happen to her again.
She just celebrated her 40th birthday last month and she was in the best shape of her life. She lived alone in her own town home. Anita crossed paths with a number of people everyday during her run. She nodded at some, and smiled at a few. There was one person or two who would stop and exchange a greeting or a few words with her. She did not know most of their names or where any one them lived. She called them her running buddies. She referred to them that way when she occasionally  talked to her friends about weird running patterns or outfits, or a major fashion faux-pas that she noticed. One of their favorites was the bright orange jersey man who took gigantic strides.  It looked like his legs made up more than three quarters of his body's height. The first time Anita saw him, it was from a distance and all she could see were his legs, and then his torso emerged. Then there was this girl in tiny running shorts, She wore the same every day even in the winter months. She passed a good looking man in a fluorescent green cap each morning. It was a woolen cap and she often wondered why he wore that on warm days too. She did not know his name, but he always saw her in the eye and smiled. She loved the way he smiled. She did not think she was attracted to him but there was something about him that made him hard to forget. She looked forward to seeing him every day and she enjoyed their brief encounters. There were times when she remembered his twinkling blue eyes when she looked for some recluse on a particularly difficult day. On this particular day she did not see him and wondered why. Then there was this couple who always wore matching t-shirts and they walked on alternate days. This was due to the man's bad knee the lady said, information she got without asking for it. She did not want to be rude to her so she listened to her occasional monologues.  A young college athlete always ran at the same time. Or was he a bolt of lightning, it was hard for Anita to say from the speed of his running. She did not know a whole lot about any of these people but somehow felt they were all a part of her life. And when she did not see the regulars on a particular day she missed them and was always surprised why. Suddenly her thoughts drifted to her work day.
    Soon after her run, she had just enough time to take a shower and and grab a bagel before she got to work. She was a forensic pathologist and worked for the Charlotte-Macklenburg Police Department. She went over the list of  things she had to do this morning. She knew there was a body lined up for autopsy. She received a message late last night that there had been a deadly accident on the interstate and one person died. Anita loved watching crime dramas as a kid. And when she was ready to go to college she instantly knew which career path she would take. She was always fascinated how science had  answers to questions  pertaining to the manner and cause of death by examining a corpse. She dreamed of solving every murder mystery that came her way. She decided to study forensic medicine. As soon as she graduated she landed a job in the police department and performed various autopsies. Though she did not solve every homicide case as she had fantasized as a student, she was still happy and content with her job. She handled other kinds of autopsies too on accident victims or deaths caused due to unnatural causes. She took her job seriously and felt that any kind of information that she could extract from the corpse was significant to either the police or the near and dear ones of the demised.
    She parked her car and entered the building. The department of forensic medicine was located on the 5th floor. She occasionally took the stairs, but she was running late this morning and decided to take the elevator. She entered her office and sat at her desk. She briefly glanced through the incoming mail piled up on her desk, and the reports she had to send out soon. She checked her e-mails, and decided to send out replies later in the day. It was time to get to the autopsy room. She went to the prep room adjoining the actual autopsy room. Her assistant had already arrived. He greeted her and talked about their work of the day. He told her that the body of an accident victim had arrived late last night, and that he had finished the preliminary external examination. The body was ready for the actual autopsy and was on the "body block". Anita thanked him and he helped her get into her medical apron. She went into the autopsy room and before proceeding to he table she decided to go through the belongings of the deceased person and catalogue them properly. This was standard procedure. It was her technician's job, but this morning for no particular reason, Anita decided to do it herself. She stood over the table where the victim's clothes and other personal effects were neatly lined up. She took one glance around the table and she froze. She felt her legs going weak and desperately wanted to drop on her knees. She just kept staring and staring. Anita could not muster the courage to move a single finger. Time stopped ticking. She did not know how long she kept staring at the things laid out before her, until her assistant shook her shoulders. "Anita! Anita! What is the matter? Are you okay, do you want to sit, would you like a drink of water?"  She heard his words, but they made absolutely no sense to her. She kept staring for a few more minutes and then turned away.  Anita walked to the phone attached to the wall. She called the other pathologist on-duty that day and asked him if he could kindly cover this particular autopsy. The colleague agreed and she ended the call. She walked towards the exit that opened to the corridor. She was almost at the door when she stopped dead in her tracks. She walked back to the table and opened the wallet, she found the ID and read the name of the person it had belonged to. Anita took another long look at the table and left the room. She went through the day in a blur. An inexplicable  grief took over her mind and body.  She did not know how the day went by, and finally it was time for her to go home.
    Anita reached home. The sun was about go down.  She went to sit on the patio. She sat staring at the setting sun, lost in her thoughts. The sky drew darker and darker, and Anita just sat there. She finally closed her eyes,  tear drops rolling down her cheek. The friendly face now has a name. For what she saw on the table amongst other things was a very familiar fluorescent green cap made with wool.
 

The Brightly Lit Kiosk

     It was her last day in India. Yet another vacation was coming to an end, there were so many people she had wanted to meet, many places she had planned on visiting, and there were so many things left unsaid. She wanted to tell her mom how much she loved her and how badly she would miss her. She wanted to take a long look at her dad and give him another long hug. My next  trip, she thought, I will try and organize my time better. I must try and visit my friend in Pune, my cousins in the village, and go to the temple on the Hills. Why does time fly by this quickly when I am here. While she was brooding over these things, her mom was ranting through the customary words of caution, "Have you checked you documents, your passport. Do you have your train ticket? Keep your money safe and accessible." She was nodding yes, yes and yes. She was sitting in the air-conditioned compartment of the train to Chennai. She would reach Chennai the next morning, and had to wait till the end of the day before she could board her flight to New York.
    It was time she sent her parents away before they started getting emotional. It was one thing to see her mom cry, but from the last two trips her dad was getting very emotional every time she left. Maybe age does that to people, she thought. To save all parties involved from the melodrama, she suggested they all leave before her train departs. With much opposition they agree. After a re-run of the long good-byes, the hugs and tears, her family left. She finally sat down and took a look around. Until now she was oblivious to the fact that she was still in the station, her train very much on the platform. Her train should leave in another 10 minutes. She was staring out the window and remembered all those countless trips her dad had taken her on, ever since she was a kid. He loved to travel and always took the family on at least two trips a year. Oh gosh! I am going to miss him, she thought. Emotion-check!! She started looking around to take her mind of this thought. She started taking in the sights on the platform. However, no sounds entered her compartment through the closed glass windows.
    On the platform she saw a small brightly-lit kiosk where a variety of snacks and goodies were being sold. Chips, soda, biscuits, cookies, chocolates and different kinds of snacks in all kinds of attractive packaging. A scrawny looking little girl with a runny nose, unkempt hair, in filthy ill-fitting clothes approached the seller.She pointed to one particular bag of goodies and said something to the shop-keeper. She realized that the girl was a beggar and she must be living on the platform itself. The shop-keeper shooed the little girl away. She continued looking around. She saw a few luggage porters, dresses in bright red shirts, idly sitting around on a bench, smoking. There was a Punjabi man in an orange turban having his lunch. The man was concentrating on tearing pieces off a thick paratha bread. He dipped it in some achaar pickle and appeared to be savoring it immensely.  She looked through the open doors of a waiting room and saw a marwari lady with a bright green sari draped on her head. The lady's  hands were covered in glass bangles of vibrant green and she was feeding her child. She saw a group of tribal women sitting on the floor fanning their faces with the ends of their saris.  She then turned around and saw an old couple staring in different directions lost to the world. A few young adults, mostly on a college trip, sat in a huge group animatedly laughing and telling stories. She was behind the sound-proof glass, and could not hear any of this, but she could certainly connect the sights with their sounds.She saw a few people sleeping on the platform itself in the sweltering heat. There were carts laden with fruits, food, newspapers surrounded with throngs of people trying to bargain and buy. Men and women of all ages, dressed in all kinds of clothes, were hurriedly walking or running to catch their respective trains on various platforms. As she took in her surroundings, she realized how true it was to say that the railway station or train travel furnished one with a microcosm of India.This is India for you, she thought. How long before I can experience all this again.
    She then glanced at her watch, why hasn't the train started? It was supposed to leave ten minutes ago. She saw the little girl at the kiosk again, this time carrying a half naked baby, showing him to the shop-keeper and pleading with him again. The shop-keeper shooed the girl away. The girl left disappointed. The girl came back without the baby this time and started talking to the shop-keeper again. The shop-keeper shooed the girl away, yet another time. Just then there was a loud whistle, the train was finally ready to leave.She was so lost in the little beggar's antics she forgot she was waiting for the train to leave. Suddenly, she looked through her purse and found a twenty rupee bill. She took it out, wanting to give it to the little girl. She could not give it through the window, this was a closed compartment. She heard the whistle again, the train will leave now. She was suddenly filled with a deep urge. She had to pass on that bill to the girl. Why am I feeling this urge?! Strange, she thought. She quickly went towards the door. The little girl was on the platform, closer to the the door at the other end of the compartment. The train started moving. She realized she had to get to the other door. But there was a good chance she would have passed the girl by the time she reached the other door. She started waving towards the girl. The little girl was not expecting anyone would wave to her, so she looked away. I have to give her this bill, but why?! She was confused at this sudden urge of hers. I must be going crazy, she thought. She finally caught the attention of a man who was standing in between her and the girl. She waved to him and he ran towards her, she asked him to give the little girl the twenty rupee bill.  He yelled to the girl and she ran towards him, he pointed towards her standing at the door of the compartment said something tot he little girl and handed her the bill. The little girl looked at her standing at the door of this moving train surprised, confused and plainly blank. It took less than a minute for all these events to transpire. She kept looking at the girl, and the train now passed the girl. She could clearly see that the little girl's face now lit up.The girl kept looking back at her. She pointed to the little shop and signaled the girl to go there. The girl was jumping up and down, clapping with glee now realizing what had happened. The girl went to the shop and was talking to the shop-keeper. That was the last of the girl that she could see. She kept looking till the girl was just a blurry dot on the platform. The train kept moving, and she could not see the platform anymore. She stood at the door for a long time feeling the wind on her face. She finally took a deep breath and sighed. She returned to her seat. She sat down and closed her eyes, the last vision of her home-town safely tucked in her heart, a pair of small brightly lit eyes.