Ever since I earned my PhD I hardly held a job with fixed hours. The only times I ever stuck to a schedule post PhD was during my volunteering stint that lasted a few months at an elder services. Many a time I have asked myself the same question over and over again. Am I slipping into nothingness? After much deliberation the answer is always the same: no not really or some variation of it. There is a long list of things I have discovered, none of those would have been possible if I was working my ass off...
I realized the fun in making little things using my hands, ranging all the way from making jewelry to playing around with dried flowers, i.e handicrafts; reliving the elementary school SUPW and needle-work horrors I certainly am not. This is way more fun!
Flowers, tomatoes and green chilies became a new obsession. Loved being around plants. Cant wait for this season..
Long chats with my friends and family, online or on phone: just plain gossiping to deep soul-searching. Realizing what a great blessing it is to be surrounded by my loved ones. I now have the time to recognize the lengths they got to, for make my life happier and easier. I have missed out on acknowledging the little gestures for too long. Love you guys for doing that!
Enjoying a nice book without feeling guilty I could have used the time for something more productive.
Rediscovered my veena and got lucky in finding one again. However, the search for a real teacher continues, unless you count instructional DVD lessons as one.
My friendship with the skillet continues to progress unhindered, and I have added a few more feathers to my culinary cap
And well, shopping is perennially fun, busy or not.
I listen to music as much as I want, with all the time in the world to listen to enchanting voices swooning in love, pining in sorrow or blubbering plain rubbish. And can listen to the same tracks again and again and again.
The time gave me a chance to ponder on stuff that has always taken a backseat. And I am beginning to understand some difficult friendships are just meant to be that: difficult. And sometimes it is just better to let go of some people and things than to keep on struggling to hold on to them. Am I sounding all grown-up now? Whoa! Scary!
An occasional afternoon siesta and a cup of creamy, spicy sweet tea in the evening is pleasure unparalleled.
I now have time to gaze at the rain, hear the birds chirping, and watch the green shimmer of grass in the afternoon sunlight.
My only woe is that I miss being in the lab and well if you count making money is important then I haven't done that too, in quite a while. But since this is my list, it shows up at the bottom.
With all the time in the world I sometimes am surprised at how little of it I have left. And admire how my friends with real jobs and/or babies handle it all. Like so many of you I too have never taken a real break until now. Sometimes I fear that this is too good to be true and get paranoid that something is not right. But I do love this state of doing nothing but enjoying everything I do. I have to admit unabashedly, minus the tiny occasional pangs of longing to go back to work, I truly am enjoying the beauty this vacuum is giving my life. And yes I now have time to stop and smell the flowers, true to the word. Fabulous!
Whats your idea of heaven? Wait, hold on. Don't answer that in haste. Give it some thought before you think you know how your paradise looks like or feels like. I think I might have found one of my heavens. A girl is allowed to have more than one heaven, is that not right? As popular belief goes, you die and go to heaven. And heaven is a place where you feel no pain or hunger or thirst. You are in a a constant state of contentment and bliss, wanting nothing. Sounds more like the after effects of smoking pot. Not that I would know. Anyhow, you get the idea, right? Therefore, if you know of a place where all these things or most of all these things occur....U found your paradise!!
So much for the prelude, here's the story. A pretty short one actually.And without further ado, let me tell you how my heaven looks, at least one of my heavens. It was brightly lit in fluorescent lights. There were rows and rows of metal shelves, all filled with boxes labeled in different names and numbers. Not just any names, those are names we all love and adore. Any ideas yet?? And atop the shelf there was a sample of what you would find in each one of those blessed boxes. And there were 100s of them, all lined up, waiting for me.And there I was looking here and there, trying to decide which box I should open first. Okay, don't get restless now! I was in the shoe store. There, I said it! Now you know how one of my paradises looks like. I went to one of those outlet shoe store, Off Broadway Shoes! I was hungry, tired and thirsty before I stepped into the store. But what amazed me was, how quickly I forgot all that. Once in the store, surrounded by shoes on all sides, trying on the ones I liked, I just lost time. I mean it, I lost time! And the icing on the cake, yes there's a best part in this lame story too. It was a brand new store!! Heaaaaveeen!! So there you go, that was my story. I should admit though, even if I forgot hunger and thirst I was far from contented. My brain was working freakishly fast, what should I try, well..hello Mr. Calvin Klein, what should I buy, should I splurge, looking good Lauren, why should I not, after all they are shoes, how do you do Marc Jacobs, ooohh Ms. Simpson,should I look east or Nine West, how many shoes have I already shopped for this season, but these are shoes, there a few more dozens of these at home, and so on and on. And if you were thinking diamonds are a girl's best friend, think again ;)
Where do you look for a good book? Reviews online? Oprah's book club? The New York Times bestseller list? The bookstore? I mean seriously, there are so many titles out there and I never know what to pick next. Of course there is a long list of older books I want to read, but somehow never get to.
So all this about what to read next reminded me of one of the recent books I finished reading, Khaled Hosseini's, A Thousand Splendid Suns . It would be an understatement to say that I just read it. Where in fact I literally lived in it, for four days. I fell in love with the his first book, The Kite Runner. Not only did I fall in love with the book, but with the visions, smells and sounds of pre-war Afghanistan.
So, when I read the second book, I looked forward to the same excellence in writing, and have not been disappointed in the least. The story revolves around two Afghan cities, Herat and Kabul, and two women. The two women belonging to different generations, steal you heart and you will fall in love with them instantly. Both very different, but extremely strong women who go through a lot. My heart broke when I read of the toils women faced in those parts of the world. The beauty and simplicity of their lives before the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan was beautifully described. And to see how lives in Afghanistan changed drastically after the Soviet invasion and then again under the Taliban rule, was heart wrenching.
The way I looked at Afghanistan changed dramatically after reading this book. When ever I hear of the Afghan war, all I ever understood was the political turmoil in those regions and never once did my thoughts go beyond that to the people and their tragedies. I found the book a little too melodramatic at times, one tragedy succeeding another , but soon realized this was not far from the truth. The way the book ends filled me with hope. Hope for a better Afghanistan and hope for a better world. This story has truly enriched my knowledge and understanding of the Afghan people and I finished the book knowing them, understanding them and loving them. I highly recommend this book, an excellent read, guaranteed to capture you from the first chapter.
It was her last day in India. Yet another vacation was coming to an end, there were so many people she had wanted to meet, many places she had planned on visiting, and there were so many things left unsaid. She wanted to tell her mom how much she loved her and how badly she would miss her. She wanted to take a long look at her dad and give him another long hug. My next trip, she thought, I will try and organize my time better. I must try and visit my friend in Pune, my cousins in the village, and go to the temple on the Hills. Why does time fly by this quickly when I am here. While she was brooding over these things, her mom was ranting through the customary words of caution, "Have you checked you documents, your passport. Do you have your train ticket? Keep your money safe and accessible." She was nodding yes, yes and yes. She was sitting in the air-conditioned compartment of the train to Chennai. She would reach Chennai the next morning, and had to wait till the end of the day before she could board her flight to New York.
It was time she sent her parents away before they started getting emotional. It was one thing to see her mom cry, but from the last two trips her dad was getting very emotional every time she left. Maybe age does that to people, she thought. To save all parties involved from the melodrama, she suggested they all leave before her train departs. With much opposition they agree. After a re-run of the long good-byes, the hugs and tears, her family left. She finally sat down and took a look around. Until now she was oblivious to the fact that she was still in the station, her train very much on the platform. Her train should leave in another 10 minutes. She was staring out the window and remembered all those countless trips her dad had taken her on, ever since she was a kid. He loved to travel and always took the family on at least two trips a year. Oh gosh! I am going to miss him, she thought. Emotion-check!! She started looking around to take her mind of this thought. She started taking in the sights on the platform. However, no sounds entered her compartment through the closed glass windows.
On the platform she saw a small brightly-lit kiosk where a variety of snacks and goodies were being sold. Chips, soda, biscuits, cookies, chocolates and different kinds of snacks in all kinds of attractive packaging. A scrawny looking little girl with a runny nose, unkempt hair, in filthy ill-fitting clothes approached the seller.She pointed to one particular bag of goodies and said something to the shop-keeper. She realized that the girl was a beggar and she must be living on the platform itself. The shop-keeper shooed the little girl away. She continued looking around. She saw a few luggage porters, dresses in bright red shirts, idly sitting around on a bench, smoking. There was a Punjabi man in an orange turban having his lunch. The man was concentrating on tearing pieces off a thick paratha bread. He dipped it in some achaar pickle and appeared to be savoring it immensely. She looked through the open doors of a waiting room and saw a marwari lady with a bright green sari draped on her head. The lady's hands were covered in glass bangles of vibrant green and she was feeding her child. She saw a group of tribal women sitting on the floor fanning their faces with the ends of their saris. She then turned around and saw an old couple staring in different directions lost to the world. A few young adults, mostly on a college trip, sat in a huge group animatedly laughing and telling stories. She was behind the sound-proof glass, and could not hear any of this, but she could certainly connect the sights with their sounds.She saw a few people sleeping on the platform itself in the sweltering heat. There were carts laden with fruits, food, newspapers surrounded with throngs of people trying to bargain and buy. Men and women of all ages, dressed in all kinds of clothes, were hurriedly walking or running to catch their respective trains on various platforms. As she took in her surroundings, she realized how true it was to say that the railway station or train travel furnished one with a microcosm of India.This is India for you, she thought. How long before I can experience all this again.
She then glanced at her watch, why hasn't the train started? It was supposed to leave ten minutes ago. She saw the little girl at the kiosk again, this time carrying a half naked baby, showing him to the shop-keeper and pleading with him again. The shop-keeper shooed the girl away. The girl left disappointed. The girl came back without the baby this time and started talking to the shop-keeper again. The shop-keeper shooed the girl away, yet another time. Just then there was a loud whistle, the train was finally ready to leave.She was so lost in the little beggar's antics she forgot she was waiting for the train to leave. Suddenly, she looked through her purse and found a twenty rupee bill. She took it out, wanting to give it to the little girl. She could not give it through the window, this was a closed compartment. She heard the whistle again, the train will leave now. She was suddenly filled with a deep urge. She had to pass on that bill to the girl. Why am I feeling this urge?! Strange, she thought. She quickly went towards the door. The little girl was on the platform, closer to the the door at the other end of the compartment. The train started moving. She realized she had to get to the other door. But there was a good chance she would have passed the girl by the time she reached the other door. She started waving towards the girl. The little girl was not expecting anyone would wave to her, so she looked away. I have to give her this bill, but why?! She was confused at this sudden urge of hers. I must be going crazy, she thought. She finally caught the attention of a man who was standing in between her and the girl. She waved to him and he ran towards her, she asked him to give the little girl the twenty rupee bill. He yelled to the girl and she ran towards him, he pointed towards her standing at the door of the compartment said something tot he little girl and handed her the bill. The little girl looked at her standing at the door of this moving train surprised, confused and plainly blank. It took less than a minute for all these events to transpire. She kept looking at the girl, and the train now passed the girl. She could clearly see that the little girl's face now lit up.The girl kept looking back at her. She pointed to the little shop and signaled the girl to go there. The girl was jumping up and down, clapping with glee now realizing what had happened. The girl went to the shop and was talking to the shop-keeper. That was the last of the girl that she could see. She kept looking till the girl was just a blurry dot on the platform. The train kept moving, and she could not see the platform anymore. She stood at the door for a long time feeling the wind on her face. She finally took a deep breath and sighed. She returned to her seat. She sat down and closed her eyes, the last vision of her home-town safely tucked in her heart, a pair of small brightly lit eyes.
March is here, bringing with it a much awaited spring. Then follow thoughts of summer. Bright sunny days, lazy summer afternoons, the gentle evening breeze and warm balmy nights. No wonder they say summer is the most romantic of seasons. And for no rhyme or reason I though of this, well....you could almost call it a poem. Slightly romantic, slightly cheesy, here's the whimsical song of a Wednesday
He Loves You...
He loves you for the noise you make,
He loves you for the silent nights,
He loves your contemptuous rudeness,
He loves your admiration for him,
He loves you for being you.
He loves you for the order you bring to his life,
He loves you for the chaos that ensues,
He loves your shameless lethargy,
He loves your avid love of life,
He loves you for being you.
He loves you till your toes curl up,
He loves you straight and right,
He loves your annoying monotony,
He loves your enchanting unconventionality,
He loves you for being you.
He loves you for making his life a living hell,
He loves you for the joy you bring to his being,
Love him back just the way he loves you and then some more,
Love him for being there and being him.
Here are some of the Wednesday blogs I said I'd look for :
Made it through Monday, and feeling much better, just like you. In the perfect world everyday would be a Friday, and I would be queen of England's grand-kid ;) But nothing's perfect, so I better stop day dreaming. Yesterday being Women's Day, there was some talk about women, enduring injustice, bringing hope, achieving great heights and the like. I am not getting into serious discussion territory here. Just wishing all you fabulous ladies a Happy Women's Day!!
And on a lighter note I wanted to share this picture that I came across this morning. It made me think some and laugh a lot more.
Ohh..and as I promised here are some Tuesday blogs:
http://sunnytuesday.blogspot.com/
http://aaru-tuesday.blogspot.com/
http://idletuesdayafternoonthoughts.blogspot.com
Ugghhh...Monday morning again. Ever since I was a kid I hated Monday, especially the first few hours of the morning. Can't say I have changed much as an adult. So, this morning I decided to try our a new exercise, see how many blogs are out there which are named Monday. Not to my surprise I found many. To while away my time further, I decided not only to find blogs named after Monday, but all the other days of the week. And as I find them, which I'm sure I will, I will share a few of them every day this week.
I am reading Paulo Coelho's "The Winner Stands Alone". Yesterday I came across a chapter where a character in the book reads the poem tiled, The Road not Taken by Robert Frost. It is one of my favorite poems, and I was happy to revisit it. The last three lines give me goosebumps every time I read them. I wanted to share it here...
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Ohh...How sweet are the fruits of procrastination. Only until they reach a point of rotting. I for one am the greatest procrastinator ever know to me :) There is an infinite list of things I had been intending to do.
To name a few:
Finish reading Salman Rushdie's Shalimar The Clown
Read Tagore's Gitanjali for a second time
Tune my Veena to start playing it again
Organize my clothes and shoes
Give my favorite friend a ring
Dust the inside of my car
Try out the various craft project kits I collected from each trip to the book store
And of course...make a plan for exercising and STICKING to it...and the list goes on..
I am sure there are a lot of us like that..and as some wise woman(ok ok..or man) so aptly said..Procrastinators unite tomorrow!!
I wanted to be a blogger from time immemorial. But have been putting it off, thinking I will start this month, this week, tomorrow..And I have been leaving a note to myself : Tomorrow I will start blogging
Today I finally found a way to outsmart my own delaying tactics...
Ever since I earned my PhD I hardly held a job with fixed hours. The only times I ever stuck to a schedule post PhD was during my volunteering stint that lasted a few months at an elder services. Many a time I have asked myself the same question over and over again. Am I slipping into nothingness? After much deliberation the answer is always the same: no not really or some variation of it. There is a long list of things I have discovered, none of those would have been possible if I was working my ass off...
